Counting Stars
by glassfacet
Summary: Heimdall has lived long enough to see the events that led to Hel Lokisdotr, Queen of Niflheim.


Heimdall has watched the many worlds for a very long time. He has seen the births of heroes, the great wars that have been fought, and the deaths of many, may people. He remembers, too, because as the Watcher, it is also Heimdall's duty to remember what he has seen.

He remembers Odin's ascent to the throne of Asgard and his marriage to Frigga. They were young, then, young and lovely and passionate; they were as quick to fight each other as they were to laugh together. Frigga was not a mother then, and Odin was too young to be wise. With time, they grew into their roles and King and Queen, and then as protectors of the worlds.

Heimdall remembers the day Prince Thor was born. The little golden boy with all the beauty of his parents captured the hearts of the realm. All of the Aesir rejoiced and spoiled the boy, indulging him in all his whims.

He remembers the day Odin brought Loki to live in Asgard. The baby did not cry, but simply looked with wonder at everything. Many were uneasy with the baby who did not cry; it was far easier to love the sunny Thor that it was to love the silent Loki.

Heimdall watched them grow. Loki tried to be like his brother, and when he could not live up to Thor and thus live down the teasing, he turned to his own strength: his mind. Where Odin could not understand Loki and his cleverness, Frigga nurtured it by teaching him her own weapon: magic. Loki learned. Loki was good at it, good enough to best any of the warrior children. But still, he was dismissed.

Heimdall remembers the moment Loki met Sigyn. She did not criticize him for not being his brother. Loki fell in love so fast, decided to marry her so fast. The teasing from Thor and his friends, at first good natured, became about preventing the marriage. Loki ignored them. The wedding is the first memory Heimdall has of Loki truly happy.

Theirs was a happy house. Loki laid off his tricks to be with Sigyn, and their laughter rang through the halls. He showed her the world as he saw it, and she let him see through her eyes. When Váli and Nari were born, he worked frantically with his mother to save Sigyn from birth-related complications. Once she was safe, Loki collapsed from exhaustion and slept for three days, recovering. He and Sigyn adored their sons, caring for the boys themselves and rarely leaving them unattended. Hearth, home and love became the centre of Loki's world.

Váli was a shapeshifter, like his father, and often would play with his brother in different forms. Each time, he would get lost in the form, but each time Loki would coax him back, helping Váli remember who he was and easing him back to human form, at which point, he would apologize to Nari, who would forgive him for forgetting. Sometimes, they would play on the Rainbow Bridge and Heimdall would watch them while they waited for their father to come home from one of Thor's adventures.

The twins were playing in the gardens of their home, with Sigyn watching over them as she spun. Váli chose that day the shape of a wolf. At first, it was all light and laughter; Nari would throw a ball and Váli would run and catch it and bring it back to him. Then Nari decided to play tag with his brother, and began chasing Váli around the garden. When Váli was tagged, instead of turning and chasing Nari, he began stalking him, growling quietly. Nari called to his mother, realizing that something had gone wrong.

"What's the matter, my darlings?" asked Sigyn, setting down her spinning and winding through the flowerbeds to her sons.

"He's forgotten!" screamed Nari as Váli pounced on him. Sigyn screamed and ran forward, trying to pull her wolf-son off his brother. Váli threw her off and continued his attack on Nari. Again Sigyn tried to stop the attack, and again, she could not help Nari. In horror, she watched as Váli tore out his brother's throat and guts. Suddenly Loki was there, his magic flinging the wolf off Nari and forcing him to change back into Váli.

"Sigyn, hurry and help Nari," said Loki. "Before it's too late."

Sigyn couldn't move. She sobbed and shook her head. Loki pleaded with her, but she could not move. Loki went to Nari and tried to heal him with magic, but it was too late. Nari was dead. Váli, realizing this, began to rock back and forth, wailing for his brother and begging his parents to heal him.

"There is nothing we can do, Váli," said Loki quietly. "Nari is gone."

"I killed my brother," whispered Váli. "How could I have done that?"

"You weren't yourself," said Loki. "But you must go to the Allfather and tell him what you've done. You'll be exiled, I think."

"I'll go with him," said Sigyn, pulling herself together. "I am just as responsible for Nari's death as Váli is. I couldn't protect my son."

"Sigyn, please," begged Loki, "don't leave me alone."

"I have to," said Sigyn. "I love you, and I always will. But I failed my duty as a mother. And for that, I must be punished. Besides, Váli is too young to be on his own."

"You're right, of course," said Loki, taking Sigyn into his arms. "I will miss you every day. But it must be done."

And just like that, Loki's happiness was over.

Heimdall remembers sending Váli and Sigyn away. Loki refused to cry in public, but his mourning knew no bounds. Frigga and Loki buried Nari's body in a tomb under the prisons so that the magic that still lived in his blood could channel the power that held prisoners in their cells. There was an outside access to the tomb, and Loki could frequently be found sleeping there. Thor, saddened for his brother, often carried him to his home. Loki's house was empty and hollow, and Loki himself no longer cared for his duties.

A century passed with Loki alternately moping and playing pranks on everyone he encountered. He no longer seemed to care if others were amused, but only sought to amuse himself. He also began disappearing from Heimdall's sight, which did not sit well with the Watcher, but what could he do in the face of grief so deep? So he waited.

And then Loki returned one day with a child in his arms, a child he called Hel. Loki adored Hel, caring for her alone without the aid of nursemaids and nannies. No, Loki took care of the girl alone until Odin and Frigga descended upon his house to demand that he explain the sudden change.

"She is my daughter," said Loki. "My blood. I will have no one else care for her, for I am her father, and I am strong enough to do this alone."

Satisfied, Odin went away. Frigga helped Loki with her granddaughter. And later helped with Jormungandr, an enormous snake, and Fenrir, a wolf. The three children were happy in Loki's house, and light and laughter filled the rooms once more.

It was when Sleipnir was born from Loki that Frigga bespelled her son that he would not have more children, regardless of his form. She told him the truth: that birthing an eight-legged horse had done its damage to him and that he must be more careful in the future. Loki was happy with his lot in life; four beautiful children to dote on in his home and a reason to live and enjoy life again.

During the happy century when Hel, Jormungandr and Fenrir were growing up and playing in the gardens of their home, two things of note happened. The first was that Sleipnir was found to have the intelligence of any horse, but not the intelligence of and Aesir, which saddened Loki. Sleipnir went to serve Odin as his mount in battle, and Loki coped with his loss by devoting himself to his other children.

The second thing that Heimdall remembers happening was the discovery of the Ragnarok prophecy by Thor and the Warriors Three. Heimdall remembers what happened in the days after the discovery of the prophecy by Loki.

"What's going on?" demanded Loki, pushing past the guards. Hel wrenched herself free from Hogan's grasp and ran to her father, clinging tightly to his coat. "Father, what are you doing to my children?"

"A prophecy has been discovered," said Odin. "We are taking precautions to ensure that it does not come to pass."

"I don't want to go away, Papa," whimpered Hel. "Please, don't let them take me."

"What has this prophecy to do with my children?" asked Loki. "And why wasn't I told? Why was I left out of this conversation? They are _my_ children."

"Loki, the prophecy states that Hel, Fenrir and Jormungandr will destroy the nine worlds," said Thor. "For their own good, and the good of all people, they must be locked away."

"For their own good?" said Loki incredulously. "Are you serious? Mother, tell me you don't agree with this madness."

"I believe that these children are as dangerous as any other born in Asgard," said Frigga. "But this decision was not mine to make. Like you, I was not included in the decision."

"Hel stays with me," said Loki, arms wrapped protectively around her. "You've clearly banished Fenrir and Jormungandr; it would undermine your authority as king if you recalled them. I understand that. I want your word, Father, that you will not order Hel to be taken from me, nor will you allow her to be unfairly banished."

"The prophecy is clear," protested Thor. "She's a danger - "

"Your word, Father," said Loki firmly.

"We are all at risk - "

"Have I not suffered enough, brother?" snapped Loki. "I've already lost Váli and Nari; I've already lost Sigyn; why are you so determined to take my family away from me?"

"It is my duty to keep Asgard safe!" said Thor. "Any possible threat must be dealt with. I am sorry that you have been affected so, brother. But it must be."

"I seriously doubt that," scoffed Loki. "I want your word, Father. I want your protection on my daughter."

Odin sighed. "You have my word. She shall not be taken from you, nor shall she be unfairly banished from Asgard."

Heimdall remembers when Loki brought Hel to the Bifrost. He remembers how fascinated she was with the great creation that Heimdall had been entrusted with. Her questions that came one after another, an endless font of curiousity that he could not satisfy alone. He still kept the blossom frozen in glass that Hel gave him in thanks for answering her questions.

Heimdall remembers how she showed her magical talent at banquets. Flowers became birds and bones danced at her will. It unnerved some, the Warriors Three among them, and angered others, Freyja included. Loki and Frigga adored Hel.

"Our special princess," Frigga fondly called her.

"My beloved child," Loki cooed to her as he took her off to bed at the end of the night. He stayed to tell her stories and sing her songs until she fell asleep. With her room warded for protection, Loki slept easily, knowing his daughter was safe.

Hel's fascination with Heimdall didn't cease. If anything, it got stronger as she got older. She began to blush when she spoke to him, fidget when she was near him and would sit close to him at the great banquets. She would bring books to the Bifrost to read and discuss with him, and he watched her grow into her magic and abilities. He was fond of her, in his own way, but knew that Loki would not be able to bear losing his only remaining child.

The other young Aesir teased Hel about her feelings for Heimdall, and she withdrew to her books and lessons with her father. Still, when he was busy or away, she would go to the Bifrost and spend time with Heimdall, telling him about what she was learning and asking for stories from other worlds that he had seen. She was pretty, and clever and interested in the world. He did not love her, but could see the love she had for him and that was enough.

Heimdall remembers the fall that robbed Hel of her beauty and mobility. She was practicing her magic in the gardens above the training grounds when the ground suddenly crumbled beneath her feet. Hel had fallen down the cliffside, ripping the skin off her right side and breaking her left leg. The concussion she suffered left her helpless. By the time she was found by guards going to practice, significant damage had been done. Loki had mourned for his child's loss.

"We'll find a way, Hel," promised Loki as he wrapped her injuries. "You'll walk again, dance again. I promise."

Heimdall knew that Hel had been far enough from the ledge when she had fallen, had been practicing defensive spells and had been careful. He had not seen who, but he knew that someone had set out to hurt the little princess. And when she found out, her vengeance would be absolute and painful.

Once she was well, Hel set to the task of finding out what had happened to her. The first thing she learned was that she was pulled down the cliff face, not pushed off of it. That was the reason her injuries were so bad. The second thing she learned was that it was done by magic, and magic that she had encountered before. Skadi's magic.

Heimdall watched as Hel plotted and waited. She grew, and her grasp of magic grew along with her. She practiced little revenges, petty tricks on those who mocked her for her scarring, for her limp, for how she still felt for Heimdall. Banquets occurred where young Aesir could not taste the food and could not feel the wine. Jewellery turned to animals in hair and on arms. Loki and Hel laughed and dismissed their pranks as harmless little jokes.

Skadi found herself pregnant, as she had wanted to be for several centuries. And her pregnancy was progressing well. Frigga herself termed it an easy pregnancy. Celebrations were prepared in advance of the baby's birth. And that was when Hel struck.

Heimdall remembers the moment when it happened. Skadi began to bleed, and so Frigga and Freyja took Skadi to her rooms where they examined her to see what was wrong. As they concluded that there was nothing, Skadi's water broke and surging from her womb, instead of a child, was a dozen snakes. The women screamed and drew the waiting men into the room. Once they saw the glistening snakes emerging between Skadi's legs they retreated in horror. All of them swore that none would touch Skadi again.

Hel sat in the royal gardens above the training grounds during all of this. When it was over, Skadi went and found her. She accused Hel of an unprovoked attack on her. Hel replied with, "And was not your attack on me unprovoked?"

Flustered, Skadi said, "It was meant as a joke. I hadn't realized that you would be so hurt."

"You're lucky I didn't die," Hel informed her coolly. "Pulling someone down a cliff face will always damage them severely. And now neither of us will be loved or have children. We'll be lonely and bitter for the rest of our lives."

"Heimdall loves you," snapped Skadi.

"Don't insult my intelligence," said Hel. "If he loved me, he would have told me. That is how Heimdall is."

"You are so young," smirked Skadi, "you know nothing of the ways of men."

"And because of you, I never shall," said Hel.

Odin heard both sides of the story and decided that this was the just reason he needed to send Hel away from Asgard for good. A week after this conversation, Odin banished Hel to Niflheim, where she made herself Queen with her magic and skill in the art of war. Heimdall watched her as she grew into herself, but also into the role that had been assigned to her.

Now he stood at the Bifrost, waiting for Hel Lokisdotr to arrive. It was a special trip, one Odin did not yet know of. Heimdall was willing to break the rules for her, just this once. Loki was to stand trial that day for his crimes against the realms and his daughter wished to be there for it.


End file.
